WELCOME HOME HEROES

            I don’t care what your political views are, but I hope that you pay tribute to every person that you know who serves in the armed forces.  I believe that putting your life in the midst of mortar fire and constant threats of attack is the ultimate sacrifice.  You make the freedom that is defined in the Constitution of the United States of America, a reality.  These brave men and women deserve our upmost appreciation. 

            Just this past weekend, I was at the airport waiting to board a flight back home from an EMT conference.  While sitting and watching the multitudes of people pass by my terminal, one man walked over and sat next to me.  He was a wearing a military uniform on is body and anxiety on his face.  It was clear to me that he was ready to go home.  He was a quiet man that sat patiently to board the plane while reading last month’s edition of Sky Mall and bobbing his head to the tunes on his iPod. 

            The Jet Blue employee announced that our plane was about to board and said that the first to board would be any military personnel on the flight today.  He stood up and the next thing that happened was miraculous; every single person in the surrounding terminals stood up and clapped, whistled and cheered.  People really do care about the individuals who serve and protect the people of this nation both domestic and abroad.

            So where am I going with this story? Well, the picture that goes with this blog post happens to be going viral on the internet.  It is of a marine who was greeted by the love of his life at his return to the United States.  I couldn’t help to think about how spectacular it is that after the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell soldiers can be greeted by their same sex partners and they have every freedom to display they affection upon return from overseas. 

            However, I was disgusted to read some of the comments that people have wrote about this on Facebook, which aren’t even worth repeating here.  I hope that when this country is in a time of war that its citizens do not question the integrity of our military by the sexual orientation of its personnel.  Anyone who has the courage to put themselves in harm’s way for the greater good of this nation deserves the respect of the citizens for their contribution.  Also, there is no need to judge same sex couples who have just been apart from each other for several months who hug and kiss.  They have every right to show the same amount of affection as a heterosexual couple.  These people have been thousands of miles apart from each other, counting down the days until the end of deployment and worrying about their loved ones every night.   They are people too.  I can't help to think that someday, this picture could replace the picture of the sailor kissing a nurse on V-J Day in Times Square.  Times are surely changing. 

BREAKING THE SILENCE

            Today I need to talk about one of the most important topics not just to LGBT people, but also, to all of our nation’s youth.  After watching last week’s episode of Glee, the impact of teen suicide hit me hard.  To be honest, I’ve never experienced this problem so I never really thought it was important enough to write about.  Maybe other people think the same and that is why there is so much silence on the subject, but I am here to tell you to make some noise!  Let people know that teen bullying is not okay.  Words can hurt; they do hurt, so this has to stop now!

I have been fortunate enough to have supportive friends and family who have always accepted me for I am even before coming out.  I never had to face the reality of bullying, but I still realize the problem now.  Why is it that our nation’s youth are being tormented for being truthful for who they are?  This nation should recognize the importance of honesty and parents should be teaching their children the importance of tolerance at an early age.  If you are a teacher, don’t let your students get away with bullying someone for who they are, even if you think that it is “just words.”  Those words have the ability to kill.  They can make a person feel so worthless and not loved to the point that they take their own life.    

So for those of you out there who are being bullied, these are my words for you.  You have to tell someone what is happening to you; a school administrator, a clergyman, a parent, a sibling or anyone who can help bring a stop to this because you know what? You are important! You are important to your family, to your friends, to your acquaintances and even me.  You deserve a chance in life to do great things and I hope you do.  I know sometimes words can suck, yeah they suck a lot, but never give up hope.  Right now people make fun of you for being yourself, but pretty soon, those differences will be embraced by the people you meet.

I hope someday that you have a chance to make a difference in the world because there are so many changes out there that can be made.  You can be the change that could save another person’s life that is having the same problem that you had.  Let these hurtful experiences in the present become the fuel to your future.  Do something great with your life!  There is laughter to be shared, songs to be sung, knowledge to be gained, art to be made, people to be met and life to be lived.  Your time is not up, so don’t give in.  Prove to those bullies that you can rise above their hatred and do something spectacular.  Give other people hope.  You are important, you are unique, you are brave and you should never give that up.  Not everyone in this world can possess those traits, but you do.  I hope that someday I can meet you and you can tell me about the wonderful life you have.

If you ever need someone to talk to, please call the Trevor Project at: 1-866-488-7386 and visit the It Gets Better Project website and watch the videos; they’re inspiring: http://www.itgetsbetter.org/.

A WORLD WITHOUT THE CONCEPT OF DIFFERENT

One of my sister’s good friends and an avid reader of my blog sent me an article that gave me so much hope.  The story was of a 7 year old boy who came out as gay to his parents.  He didn’t understand that liking boys instead of girls was different.  He didn’t know that some people in this world believed that he was an abomination to the human race or that he could be arrested for stating these views in some countries.  All he knew was one simple thing, that he liked boys and not girls and he was not afraid to say it.

This boy had no fears about his sexuality, and in fact he probably doesn’t even understand the term sexuality yet.  But this 7 year old has given me so much hope. The fact that someone can grow up knowing that their parents will accept him for exactly who he is and take him seriously even at age 7, is absolutely inspiring to me.  This child has no idea how amazing it is to have such understanding parents yet, but I hope that someday he will. 

I am so hopeful that times are changing and that being gay is viewed as normal.  For this boy to not even have a concept of being different is astounding to me.  I want to someday live in a world where children cannot fathom why being gay is a reason to hate someone.  I’d like to think that hating on gay people will someday be viewed the same way that slavery or not allow the women the right to vote does in our nation’s history classes today.  We will look back on the gay rights movement and wonder why people had such a hard time understanding that they too are people; tax-paying citizens who deserve equal rights under the Constitution of the United States of America.  I hope that every student in their history classes will understand that the equal rights of people is something that we should never stop fighting for and that we are all more alike than we think; that difference is not as clear as we originally thought.   

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mobileweb/Amelia/when-your-7-year-old-son-announces-im-gay_b_1277910.html

THE LOCOMOTIVE OF LOVE

  

            I like to think of love as a train and you are the traveler awaiting the journey.  Sometimes you plan your journey out and you know exactly where your destination is, other times you hop on just for the thrill of the ride just to see where you will end up.  While you’re waiting at the train stop, you always seem to anticipate your journey, you like to think of how long the train will board, how fast things will go, but it is the unexpected that will leave the impression.  It is the wondrous mountain views that take your breath away, the interesting people that you will meet on the way and the problems that will stop you dead in your tracks that really leave an impact. 

            You can be ready for a train to come at a certain time, but you never really know when it will arrive; the conditions may not be right.  However, a train will always come, whether it is the one you expect or not.  Another train will always arrive at your stop, the destination may be different, but who knows, maybe it will be better than your original one.  However, I should advise you that trains are not a nonstop method of travel.  Sometimes trains will take breaks and sometimes a train will stop and you will need to get off and get back on another.  But don’t be discouraged, the trains never stop coming and you should never stop waiting and getting on.  So what are you waiting for, get to your train stop and wait for your train to arrive.  Get on and see where it brings you, the destination can be amazing. 

WHY I BLOG

            So people may wonder why I blog and the short answer is that I like to help people.  I figured that through this blog I hope that you can find something you can relate to whether you have a gay brother, a homophobic parent or just searching for inspiration.  I figured that the best way to get my point across through this blog was to reflect on personal thoughts and experiences and quite frankly, writing has helped me too.

            Before I came out, I would have trouble sleeping at night because there were so many things racing through my mind.  I would toss and turn for hours will my mind would be wrapped around so many thoughts.  But this blog has given me an outlet; a way to express the real me and all of my thoughts so I can finally sleep at night.  I have been silenced for so long and I feel like I could write novels on the things that I have to say.  So this is my start of those novels and I am glad that you are reading these in the hopes that you too can be inspired.

            Recently, I talked to my sister and she told me that one of her college roommates has started to read my blog and has become inspired by it.  This was one of the greatest feelings that I’ve had in a while.  Knowing that I am making a difference to someone only helps to further encourage me to write.  They say that in teaching you will learn.  I always found this to be a funny expression because how can a teacher teach without knowing everything?  However I feel like I have found my answer.  In this blog, I am the teacher and you, the reader, are my student.  I give you lessons about acceptance, tolerance and overcoming my struggles in hopes to inspire you.  However, one of you has inspired me.  I have learned from this that my stories really can help other people because you care enough about my stories to read them and hopefully act upon them. 

            So the take home message from this story is that you should always tell people about the positive aspects about them.  Tell a you friend that she looks beautiful today, tell your best friend that there is no one else in the world that he would rather spend his Saturday night with, tell your mother that you are appreciative of all the work she did to raise you and tell your teachers that they have challenged you and inspired you.  You never know where inspiration can come from.  Sometimes it comes in the form of a beautiful landscape, witnessing a random act of kindness, reading a biography of a war hero or in hearing that you have changed someone’s life.  So if this blog has inspired you, let me know.  Comment below, text, Facebook message, call, email or even tell me in person, because I have already taken the first step in telling you, that you inspire me.

SINGLE AND A VALENTINE’S DAY OPTIMIST?

            I’m not going to write a post how much I hate Valentine’s Day because it was created by the greeting card companies or even how there are 7 billion people in this world, but no one for me.  That stuff is quite frankly bullshit and shame on you for feeling like no one loves you or cares for you, because we do; I do.  Love is found in so many different ways and not exclusively with one person that you hope to spend the rest of your life with.  Family and friends can show you love too because any person that cares enough about a person to share their life with you obviously cares enough for you to describe this feeling as love.

            For those of you that don’t know me that well, yes I am single on Valentine’s Day, but in no way does that mean that I am alone.  I have friends who love and care for me, and in fact I have a skype date planned with my sister this evening.   So single is not synonymous with alone.  Don’t get me wrong, someday I want to be with a person on Valentine’s Day.  I want to be with a man who will laugh at my witty jokes, who will share random facts about the universe like I do, who can stand my aggressive driving and who can say I love you to me even after I lose a game of Jeopardy. 

            I hope someday to not be single on Valentine’s Day, but I won’t sit here and pity myself until then.  People out there love me now, even though I might not have found Mr. Right.  But I do know that he is out there somewhere.  I don’t know when we will meet, where it will be or how it will happen, but I still have hope and you should too.  The perfect person for you is out there, it is just up to fate for when it will happen.  Don’t try and figure out who it is, but the perfect moment when you meet will happen, be patient because love is on the way.

LETTER TO MY 14 YEAR OLD SELF

Dear Eric,

            It’s me…or you…or whatever you want to call me, but I’m sending you this message to let you know to never give up on your dreams.  I know that you spend the weekends now sitting at home on the couch watching movies with your parents or trying to hang out with your older sister, but there is so much more out there.  You need to start taking more risks in life and in fact, I already know you will.  I don’t want to spoil it now, but there are amazing opportunities headed your way and I hope you don’t deny a single one.  Trust me, in 5 years you won’t be regretting the things you’ve done but the things you haven’t.

            I know that there are things that run through your mind at night about who you are.  You wonder if people truly love you for you.  But, you’ll never know that they do if you never tell them who you really are.  You are unique and you should embrace this gift.  Someday people will love you for your confidence in who you are.  You will have more friends than you can ever imagine.  People will love you for who you are, but before they do, you have to show them.

            Yes, there will be times in your life that you will wonder if this is all really worth it, if you work so hard for anything.  This is me telling you that your hard work will never go unnoticed.  People can see a certain quality in you will always baffle them.  It is called passion, and it is one of your greatest characteristics.  Your passion is the stem of all your work ethic and every friendship you have made.  Never lose your sense of passion for the things you love because if you do, you lose what makes you special.  The ability for a human to care, is a characteristic that will attract people to their lives.

            I don’t want to ruin the rest of your life for you, but I want you to know that ever twist and turn will lead you to a new opportunity, every bump in the road will allow you to reflect on your past, every hill you rise up to will sometimes lead to a valley, but remember that the mountains are your destination. Every mountain has their highs and lows, but all paths lead to the summit.  Sometimes you will look in the mirror to see what you have passed, but never make a U turn and think that life was better back there.  Keep moving forward and don’t pause for a pit stop, keep moving and I promise that it will bring you places further than you can ever imagine.  Your destination is there, you just have to make the journey to it.

You’re the Best,

Eric (The future version)

P.S. Save yourself the trouble in high school and don’t take physics or AP US History.  It’s a waste of your time.

MY COMING OUT STORY: MY PARENTS

            I have saved the best for last in this series of anecdotes.  My parents have always been the best role models in my life.  They are reason for all of success.  My parents have showed great work ethic in their jobs and at home.  Both of them had started out with an associate degree and have moved up the ranks in their fields.  Also, my parents have never ceased to support my sister and I in our academic work and our extracurricular activities whether it was hours at the dinner table helping us learn math or driving us to organization meetings.  There is no doubt in my mind that my parents have sacrificed everything for me and my sister to have the best life possible.  From a young age, my parents have always told me and my sister that we can achieve any dream if we work hard to reach them.  This has proven to have left a positive impact on my life.  At only 18 years old I am an EMT, an Eagle Scout, a Red Cross Volunteer, former National Honor Society President, a recipient of the Daughters of the American Revolution Good Citizen Award and I am currently pursuing an education to become a physician assistant.  Without my parents standing at my side every step of the way I wouldn’t be the driven individual that I am today.

             My parents have always been big supporters of letting my sister and I express individual thought.  We were taught that we should form our own opinions and to be passionate about things that we care about.  This is one of the main reasons that I felt some confidence in telling my parents that I was gay.  I knew deep down in my heart that they would love me no matter what my sexual preference may be.  However, it took me an extremely long time to tell them that I was gay.  I had so many “what ifs” running through my head and I was scared that telling them about my sexuality would ruining their future plans for me.  Coming out to my parents remains  the proudest moment in my life.  That’s right I am more proud to have told my parents that I am gay than receiving my Eagle Scout medal, graduating with a 3.89 GPA in high school, being President of the National Honor Society, volunteering with the American Red Cross, passing my National EMT test and winning the Daughters of the American Revolution Good Citizen Award.  I value the fact that I could be honest with myself and others even when it is not the social norm and no award can has the ability display this.

            So you’re probably wondering, how did you come out? Well it happened over my winter break this year.  My mom, sister and I were all in the living room watching the Ellen DeGeneres Show while we were recovering from colds.  The man who portrays Mitch from Modern Family, an openly gay man on both the show and in real life, was being interviewed by Ellen.  My sister, who likes to cause some trouble, said “Hmmm if you shave his face and dye his hair blonder, he would remind me a lot of Eric.”  I remember sending my sister the nastiest glare when my mother wasn’t looking and then my mom said “No, he’s gay.  You aren’t gay are you Eric?”  I remember my heart sank and I was silent for a good 5 seconds.  I said to myself, you have to do this… just muster the 10 seconds of strength and tell her!  So I said “well that is a very interesting question, but yes I am.”  She stared at me and said “you’re gay?” Followed by “oh my God, you’re gay.”  “Eric you’re gay!”  I responded “yes I am.”  My mother told me to tell all of you reading this the “truth” about her initial thought.  The next thing that came across her mind was “Eric, you are never going to marry Marissa.”  However, I assured her that someday I plan to be married and still have children.  I still plan to live the American dream and go to college, buy a house, raise children and do it all with person of my dreams even if it is a person of the same sex.  My mom also asked, “well, if you’ve never had a relationship with a guy before, than how do you know that you’re gay.”  I responded with a question for my mom, “how did you know you were straight before you dated?” and she said “well I think guys are hot.”  I said, “me too!” and we shared a good laugh. 

            We knew that my father was due back home from work any moment and my mother told me that she couldn’t keep this from him.  So right when he walked through the front door, we called him into the living room because we had something to tell him.  He walked in there and we told him to sit down. He didn’t want to, but I insisted and before his body even touched the cushion of the couch I blurted out “I’m gay!” and he looked at me and said, “what?”  and then I said “I like guys not girls.”  He was quiet and then he went to go make dinner.  I wasn’t really sure what to think about that whole situation.  I couldn’t read my dad’s mind to figure out why he was so quiet, whether it was because he didn’t think of this as a problem, completely shocked or upset.  It wasn’t until later that night that my dad and I talked he told me that he loved me and was proud of me and that I was the best son that a father could have no matter what.

            My parents are now assimilating to the fact that I am gay.  They have both accepted me and are proud of me.  In fact both of them also read my blog and the have a sincere concern what I have to say.  There isn’t a better feeling that a child can have than knowing that their parents really do have unconditional love for them; that nothing in this world can take away the pride, love and connection between a parent and child.  Coming out for me has only just started, but I now know that the people that care about me the most have accepted me.  If there is anything that I hoped you would get out of these stories, it is that coming out happens in so many different ways and it is a journey that you will continue to take for the rest of your life.  But if you ever find yourself having a hard time coming out just remember that people out there love you, minds will change and you should be proud of who you are and where you are going.

“I don't want to live and have any shame whatsoever. I should be proud of who I am, and I don't care if people approve or not. It is who I am.” ~Ellen DeGeneres

MY COMING OUT STORY: MY FELLOW EAGLE SCOUT

            I’m pretty sure that no one else has a more complex relationship than me and my friend Justin.  We are constantly at each other’s neck because we know how to push each other’s buttons.  I met Justin when I joined Peter’s cub scout pack back in the day.  I thought Justin was a nerdy band kid that lacked some social skills and my thoughts remain pretty consistent to this day (in a good way though).  I too was a nerdy band kid in Jr. High.  Justin and I not only went to scouts together but we also went to the same junior high and high school.  We were both smart kids with high aspirations, which is where our competitiveness stems from.  I like to think of myself as more of a realistic dreamer, while Justin likes to think big.  Even though Justin and I might butt heads at times, there is not a more loyal and helpful friend that I’ve had.  No matter how mad Justin and I may get at times, it always seems to blow over and even in some of our darkest hours, we turn to each other for advice and support.

            Too be honest I waited a while to tell Justin about my sexuality.  I had no idea how he was going to react and I was scared that if another person at my high school or in Boy Scouts knew, that it would be harder to keep the secret.  However, one night seemed like it was the perfect opportunity to tell him.  It was Justin, Marissa and I in the car in our high school’s parking lot.  We do this time to time just to get out of our houses and talk.  Justin started talking about girls, as he always does and then he asked me if I thought any girls were attractive at our high school.  I responded “nope.”  Justin, brushed it off with some humor about our unattractive student body, but then he asked what kind of girl I was interested in.  I told him that I really wasn’t.  He had a really confused look on.  So then he asked if I like guys and I said yes.  He was pretty puzzled and kept asking me over and over again if I liked guys.  It’s almost as though he couldn’t fathom the fact that I am not interested in girls. His next set of questions got me pretty good though.  He asked me about specific guys that I thought was hot at my high school.  I was shocked and I didn’t answer because I thought that these questions were a little premature after I just told him about my sexuality.  Throughout this whole conversation, Marissa hid her face in the backseat and was laughing hysterically.  Eventually Justin came to terms with my sexuality.

Today Justin and I still remain good friends and my sexuality is not an issue.  We both became proud eagle scouts and graduated in the top of class.  Whenever we go back to Manchester, we always drive around and talk about anything on our minds.  That is the beauty of a true friendship, that someone cares enough about your life to listen to what you have to say and will give you advice on it. 

MY COMING OUT STORY: MY PROM DATE

            I would be lying to you if I said that someone besides my friend Marissa is my soul mate.  We became friends in my sophomore biology class where we were lab partners.  That year really defined our friendship because we would walk to classes together and would practically spend all day with each other.  In my senior year of high school, we were both officers on NHS together and that all in itself had its ups and downs, but somehow we persevered.  She seems to understand me more than any other person in my life.  I will occasionally send her lyrics to my favorite songs and she will always surprise me with a response that she loves that song.  We even share a favorite movie.  We also plan to take a road trip together someday.  We both put up with each other’s sass at times and we always know when the other needs to cheered up.  We have both seen the good and the bad with each other but we have always stuck around.  When I am with Marissa everything just seems so much more fun.  Even though I’m gay, I hope to still share my life with her because she means so much to me.   

It wasn’t until midway through my senior year that I knew I had to come out to her.  I couldn’t keep this big part of my life from her anymore.  Plus I had to dispel the rumors that she broke up with her boyfriend for me.  However, I thought it was hilarious that people even thought that to begin with, but I can see where they were coming from now.  So one night, we were aiding to Peter’s McDonald’s addiction by dropping him off at the closest set of golden arches and waiting in the car.  Marissa was sitting in the backseat and she was reading through my journal for my creative writing class.  I told her to be careful because I wrote a big secret in there.  Immediately she began to fan through the pages so fast in hopes to find something, but she never did.  So she asked what it was.  I had promised myself that if anyone ever asked, that I would tell them.  So I told her that I’m gay.  Just like Peter, she didn’t believe it at first, but she eventually figured out that I wasn’t lying.  After accepting it, her exact words were, “Thank God, my mom has been telling me that I need to find a gay friend.”  When she said that, I knew she was okay with it.  I would say from this point on, our relationship grew even stronger to the point that I asked her out to prom (Yes, I still went to prom with a girl).  It was the best night of our lives and we looked great, if I do say so myself.  I think her mom was also happy that she went to prom with me because she knew that she would be safe on prom night with me because Marissa had told her earlier that I am gay.  The relationship between Marissa and I still remains strong.  We text, skype and facebook to keep in touch.  When we are home together, the first thing we do is run up to each other and hug as I spin her in the air, kind of like in those sappy romance movies.  There is nothing in this world that would ever be able to separate us from each other because we mean too much to each other.      

MY COMING OUT STORY: MY COUSIN

            For as long as I can remember, my cousin and I have been a dynamic duo.  We would call each other to plan visits to our grandparents’ house at the same time, I joined his Cub Scout pack when mine folded and we moved up the ranks of scouting together.  It would have been very rare to see Peter and I not together at a Boy Scout function back in the day.  Peter has been like a brother to me, we hang out every weekend, he has a toothbrush in my bathroom and he even exchanges gifts with my family and I on Christmas morning.  He is clearly more than a cousin to me; he is also my best friend.  Peter, Justin, Marissa and I are a dynamic quartet of people who I will talk more about throughout this blog.  Each one of us has extremely different personalities that somehow complement each other.  They are some of the only people in this world that I can just ride in car with for hours and never run out of things to talk about.

            Peter has a very outgoing and daring personality and I have a timid and cautious one.  I don’t know how or why we can have such different personality traits and still be friends but somehow it works.  I have to be honest that I was a little nervous about telling Peter that I am gay.  He was my best friend that was a guy and I didn’t want to lose that, he was a fellow scout and I didn’t want any of this news to leak to the Boy Scouts leading to my termination of membership and I didn’t want my entire family knowing before I was ready.  However, I knew that the benefit of telling Peter outweighed the cons no matter how severe they may have seemed. 

            One night while driving Peter back to his house, we had a discussion about secrets that we had and I told him that I had a huge one.  He promised me that he wouldn’t tell a soul if I told him my secret, so blurted it out, “I’m gay.”  I had never felt such a rush of adrenaline in my life.  He honestly didn’t believe me when I told him and it took some convincing to tell him that I wasn’t lying.  After I dropped him off, I had wondered if I had made a mistake.  Should I have risked him telling my family and the Boy Scouts.  However, Peter proved to be a loyal friend.  The next time I saw him, it was like nothing had changed, because in reality nothing had, I have always been this way.  Peter was also one of the biggest contributors to my support system when I was coming out.  I could talk to him about everything from the stresses of coming out to other friends to coming out to my parents.  That is what a true friend is, someone who is loyal, helpful and will support you no matter what.  I realize how hard it must have been for him to keep this secret for so long, but I am extremely appreciative of it.

MY COMING OUT STORY: MY SISTER

            Coming out is the culmination to your self-acceptance of your sexuality.  I guess I have been waiting so long to tell you my own story because I wanted the words to be perfect.  However, coming out is never perfect, you will have ups and downs, but it is important to remember that it feels better to live a life of honesty.  My theme for this week will be my own coming out story, but instead of writing it down all at once, it will be written in sections.  Coming out is not an event that you do once, but a process that will occur over time throughout your life.  Each day I will give you my coming out story for some of the most important people in my life.

            The first story is about my first coming out experience to one of the most important role models in my life.  My sister has always paved the way for me by setting her own personal goals high so I will set mine higher.  We have always had a competitive nature since we were young and it still remains strong in our academic and extracurricular activities.  However, we are not just constant competitors, but also best friends.  In fact the lunch ladies at our former high school once took bets that we were twins, however it was a bad day for Dolly because we’re not.  We go to each other for help on anything and everything and I knew that she would support me no matter what my sexuality is.

            It was my strong intention to tell her for a very long time that I was gay, but I could never muster the strength.  It is such a simple phrase, “I’m gay,” but it is the hardest to actually say to someone and mean it.  It wasn’t until both my sister and I stayed up late on Thanksgiving night until almost 3am playing cards, that I finally revealed my sexuality to her.  Like I said, saying that you are gay is so difficult and I never actually said those words to her initially.  Instead I told her that I had a secret and we more or less played a guessing game until she figured it out.  She asked if I drank alcohol, smoked weed, got a speeding ticket, robbed a bank, etc. However, with each question, I said no.  She was confused and finally she asked the dreaded question… “Are you gay?”  Immediately I felt my heart beating out of my chest and I broke eye contact with her.  Inside my head, I kept telling myself, “just say it… just say it!”  All I could do was nod my head yes which stands as the bravest moment in my life.  After I nodded my head I felt an strong sense of euphoria.  This was a surprise to my sister, but the first thing we did was hug it out as always.  We talked for hours more.  I knew from this point on that it does get better, life gets better.  I had finally been accepted by someone.  My sister’s reaction is the sole reason why I can be so honest with myself today.  She still accepts me and defends me for who I am and I will always do the same for her.

THE EQUALITY OF LOVE

            Love is an amazing feeling that acts almost like a dream.  No one feels like they are in reality and perfection seems like something that is not just read about in fantasy novels.  Every living animal on this earth displays their love for one another.  In fact, without nurturing and showing love to newborn animals, they would never have the ability to survive.  Love is the most basic principle that has been passed down since the first creatures inhabited this world.  However, is all love equal?  Do humans believe that some love is more natural than others?  Based on social observations in the United States, these questions would be easy to ask.

            Everyone experiences love, but love is not always respected the same way by every person.  Ask any child in kindergarten what being married means and most definitely they will answer that it is, “When a man and a woman love each other very much.”  I constantly ask myself why it can’t be a man and a man or a woman and a woman.  In my own definition, marriage is a sacred vow of love and commitment between two people.  Most people would agree with that statement because yes, everyone believes that marriage is sacred, a commitment, and involves love.  So then, why must people add the exclusiveness of a man and a woman?

            In today’s society we are more accepting than we have ever been to people that are gay and lesbian, but these changes are still not good enough.  Children are still being bullied for being “different.”  But I will tell you a secret, we are all different, we are all unique, and we should all deserve the same level of acceptance by society.  However, there are still people who show unjust hatred.  It is not right for a fourteen year old boy to contemplate taking a bottle of pills because a kid in his Biology class calls him a fag whenever he walks by; it is not right for a parent to let their thirteen year old daughter sleep on the streets in late November because she has told them about a girl that she wants to ask to the upcoming dance; it is not right for a seventeen year old boy to lie in bed at night with silent tears running down his face because he can no longer go out on dates with his boyfriend in fear that his parents may discover their secret relationship; it is not right for a sixteen year old girl to be forced to go to therapy because her parents think her sexuality is a mental disorder and it is most certainly not right to allow society to infringe on the natural feeling of love and the ability to express that love through ceremony.  We have come so far as a society by trying to accept LGBT people, but we still have not completely won the battle, especially with the exclusiveness of marriage.

            Society has punished the homosexual community to the point where people are taking their own lives because so much hatred around them has made it so that they cannot even find the love in themselves anymore.  Being gay is not a choice; there is no way for people to change.  I know from experience myself, that no matter how much you pray or try to like the opposite gender, you will never be “normal”.  But I have discovered that being gay is normal.  There is nothing wrong with anyone that is gay because homosexuality is perfectly natural.  Bison, swans, penguins, dolphins, elephants, giraffe and dragon flies are just a sampling of some of the other creatures on this world that have homosexual relationships. Homosexuality is normal, homosexuality is natural.

            The most widely disputed part of marriage between homosexual couples is that it goes against the teachings of the Bible. Leviticus states in the Bible that if a man sleeps with another man, it is an abomination.  Yes, that makes it seem very clear that according to the church homosexuality is a sin.   However, Leviticus also goes on to say that men should not shave, eating fish is bad and that wearing clothing made of two types of material are sins.  According to this, the vast majority of people in the United States are already committing acts of sin as stated in the Bible.  Why is it okay for the “purists” to pick and choose which rules of the Bible that they can follow, but gay people can’t do the same?  It seems as though that there is a double standard when it comes to interpreting the verses.   Furthermore, Leviticus was human, not an infallible God.  Indeed, those who believe in the Bible think that the Holy Spirit inspired the authors of the Bible in the writing.  Who is to say that Leviticus has interpreted these inspirations correctly? 

Besides Leviticus, Corinthians 13:4-8 states, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”  This Bible quote reflects what love really means.  I believe this gives support for same sex marriage by God himself.  This love that is described not only tells what love should or shouldn’t be, but also how love shouldn’t be viewed.  The Bible clearly states that people should not be rude in talking about love, they should only speak about love with kind words and that love perseveres no matter what challenges are presented before it.  Nowhere in this excerpt does it state who experiences love, it can be assumed through this verse that anyone can have these feelings and no one deserves for people that do not believe in same sex marriage to view love in a negative way.  According to this, everyone deserves to feel and express love without ridicule.

            The fact that some religious groups consider people who have same sex relationships to be immoral, be abominations to humanity or result in punishment in the afterlife, is just absurd.  How can being gay make someone automatically less of a person?  Sexuality does not define who a person is; the actions that humans perform in their life will define how they will be remembered.  Gay people can be great role models for the rest of society.  Rosie O’Donnell, an actress famous for her role on numerous movies, TV shows and her own talk show Rosie, is a lesbian, but she does not let that define her.  Rosie also works to better the lives of children with her For All Kids Foundation, which promotes better quality daycare across the nation.  Rosie’s love for children was further demonstrated when she started a program that gave free music and dance lesson to kids in 21 public schools.  Rosie and Kelli Carpenter, have fostered and adopted many children and act as beautiful parents to all of them.  To me, it seems as though a person’s morals are reflections of their actions and not their sexuality.  Any reasonable God would think the same.  If God is an infallible being, that means that being gay is not an error by mankind and in fact it means that gay people were put here for a reason.  No loving God would set up mankind for failure through homosexuality.  Gay people are here for a reason, a reason that most of society has not yet discovered.

Secular marriages are on the rise, thus decreasing the number of weddings that actually occur in a place of religious worship.  The “holiness” of matrimony is now on the decline with the little wedding chapels in Las Vegas and the extravagant ceremonies on TV that take place in shark tanks or while bungee jumping.  The reality is that marriage has already lost its religious aspect which makes the “keeping of sanctity in marriage” a moot point.  Unless someone worships the goddess of jumping off bridges or the divine spirit of the shark, marriage is not holy.  Marriage has become more of a legal contract that gives both participants better legal benefits than they would have if the two had continued to live their lives unwed.  Weddings in America are now more about the “wow factor” and less about the holiness of the sacrament of matrimony. 

            America was founded on the principles of nonconformity and diversity.  The Puritans landed in America not to make an exact replica of Britain, but to create a land with greater freedoms.  Since, America has been a progressive country that guarantees rights to citizens that would not normally be guaranteed in other countries.  If it wasn’t for the progressive nature of this country, women would still tend to the house while men work, African American people would still face the reality of segregation, and we could have even remained under British rule today.  So why not allow gay marriage?  Homosexual people are citizens too, and if the United States of America wishes to remain the progressive country that it has been known to be for over 200 years, it should extend the right of marriage to every loving couple in the nation.  Traditional family values in this country are almost nonexistent as it is.  With divorce rate at an all-time high and domestic violence as a growing crime, the perfect, nuclear family as seen on TV shows like Leave it to Beaver is a remnant of the past.  Same sex couples can be “normal,” loving parents.  Same sex parents can still nurture and communicate, support and protect, and understand and most importantly, love.

            Gender roles in the United States are beginning to diminish.  Some mothers are working as CEOs, and some fathers are staying at home baking and cleaning.  Some boys like to play with Barbies and some girls like to catch frogs in the backyard.  So why make a big fuss if a married same sex couple has children?  The gender of the parent does not define their ability to fulfill the child’s emotional needs.  No matter what gender, a parent still loves and cares for their child, they will fight for and sacrifice anything to give their child a better chance at life.  Same sex families will not corrupt society and in fact, their children will better understand diversity and will have a greater acceptance for a person’s differences.  A parent’s sexuality will not rub-off on the child, but the moral value of embracing differences will. 

            Same sex parents do not cause children to live lives of homosexuality.  Being gay is not a choice that a child can make, and in a society like today, it is a choice that children would not make.  It is ridiculous to think that a child will choose to be just like their homosexual parents.  No sane person in this nation would choose to live a homosexual lifestyle.  Even in today’s accepting times, gay people are still bullied to the point of suicide, parents are disowning their children for coming out, the government will not pass laws to create equality between homosexual and heterosexual couples, and some religious groups view them as abominations.  So why do people even come out as gay?  That has been a question that I have been asking myself for a while and I have come to a conclusion.  Everyone needs to express their true inner feelings; they need to tell people who they really are in order to feel truly loved and accepted.  By keeping in true feelings of love, one could feel like they are living a lie, and faking everything people know about them.  The most important thing to know about coming out is that love is something worth expressing; love is something worth fighting for. 

            Change is one of the hardest hurdles that a society can endure.  Looking back in American history, change has caused great controversy in our country, but the outcomes have come to be some of the fundamental values that this nation embraces the most.  As a nation we have changed to give African American people the ability to no longer be treated like property, we have changed to give women their chance to reach out to government and most importantly we changed to free our nation from Britain.  These changes were not the ideas of the majority of the people; however government recognized the need for change in order to move forward as a country.  These ideas of African American rights, women’s rights and independence were radical in their day, but today we look to these changes with pride, knowing that our country has done everything in its power to uphold its promised freedom.

            Marriage is a right that should be celebrated by all people in this nation.  It is a solemn vow between two lovers that seals the lifetime commitments for each other.  Marriage is not about the normality in society, Biblical references, religious teachings, morality, American traditions, the nuclear family, or even how sexuality is determined.  Marriage is simply about love.  So if marriage is a topic of love, why is there so much hate surrounding it?  My proposal is that we keep the love in marriage and we make it inclusive for all couples no matter what their sexual orientation may be.  By creating exclusive laws on marriage, we as a nation are condoning hate by depriving one group of people to rights that are available to the majority of the nation.  Marriage is so much more than a ceremony followed by dancing and cake, marriage is the love that we should never stop fighting for and defending because when we do, we cease to be able to live the free lifestyle that America guarantees.  

WHEN ARE YOU READY?

            When I was trying to figure out how to come out to my family friends I must have watched every youtube video out there on the subject.  Whenever the question is asked, “when will you know you are ready” the person always says “you’ll just know.”  I agree that this is a hard question to tackle, but that answer gave me no help whatsoever.  So hopefully through this post I can help you understand when you are ready.

            When I first realized that I was gay, I wasn’t completely confident in my sexuality. I would deny that I was gay to people asking me about it, I tried to “act straight” so that people wouldn’t suspect anything and I even took a girl to prom (However she is my best friend who knew I was gay.  She would also kill me if I didn’t mention that she looked beautiful that night.) My first hurdle was to be happy with who I am and luckily I discovered my inner happiness.  My next thought was that I couldn’t lie anymore.  I was literally losing sleep over thinking how I would tell people that I am gay.  This was the point where I knew that I had to tell people.  I knew that the only way to be happy was to just be me and not care what anyone thinks about my sexuality.  There is no greater realization in life than understanding that you have to act exactly how you feel and when you do, every friend you have from that day on will love you for no other reason than being who you are.  Then I mustered the 2 seconds of ridiculous courage to say “I’m gay” and stand my ground.

            These were all the thoughts that ran through my mind before I came out.  I was content with being gay because I knew I had to express my true emotions to feel joy in life.  I don’t deny my sexuality anymore and I am proud of how far I have come to be true to myself.  I also no longer lose sleep on thinking about if people will treat me differently when I come out because I know that they haven’t.  I hope this story helps you better understand what ready really means.