HOW TO REACT TO SOMEONE’S COMING OUT

            I would never tell someone how to react to a coming out because everyone’s thoughts on sexuality are completely different, but my hope is that through this post you will understand how to make your LGBT friend, son, daughter, spouse or what-have-you feel the most comfortable during this process. The first thing that you must understand as a non-LGBT person is that this is a big deal for the person coming out.  Speaking from experience, I know that it takes a lot of courage to share this piece of information about yourself.  It took me over 2 years to come out to my sister after discovering my sexuality and a year after that to tell my parents.  You should feel extremely honored that someone finds you so important that they want to share this part about their life with you. 

1.      The best thing to do is listen to what they have to say.  A person coming out may simply say “I’m gay” or they may have a speech prepared, don’t interrupt this process.  They have probably been keeping this in for a while, so let them get it out.

2.      It is very important to thank them for sharing this with you, it gives sooo much encouragement. This is an absolute act of courage and a bad coming out experience can put a person back in the closet.

3.      Don’t be awkward and sit there in silence, so ask questions! But don’t ask them “do you think I’m hot?” if you’re the same gender.  It is kind of aggravating and insulting.  But do ask questions about who else they have told, why they are choosing to come out now, how long they have known this about themselves etc.  This will show them that you have a genuine interest in what they have to say. 

4.      Hugs are also a great way to reaffirm to a person that you still love and care for them. 

5.      Don’t be afraid to tell them that you still love them and are proud of them no matter what their sexuality is.  Even though it may seem like the most obvious thing in the world, it never hurts to hear “I love you” from a person that they care about.

6.      The next time you see them, treat them as though nothing has changed in your relationship.  The most positive thing that I saw when I began coming is my family and friends treating me the same way as they always did, because I have always been this way and nothing about me has changed.  Don’t treat someone differently because you feel awkward about the discovery of a their sexuality.  If you ever feel uncomfortable about it, talk to them.

I hope that these tips will help you understand what LGBT people are looking for when they are coming out.  Thankfully the people I have come out to have all responded very well and I thank you all for that, you know who you are.  This is one of the most important moments in a LGBT person’s life so please help make it a positive experience for everyone.

FAREWELL TO THE GOVERNOR

            Even though his term as Governor of New Hampshire is coming to an end with his last State of the State Address this week, John Lynch’s legislation will remain as a great reminder of how minds can be changed.  He gives me a reason for hope.  In the beginning of his campaign, Lynch believed that marriage should be kept between a man and a woman because of the traditional values that he was brought up with.  However, when Lynch began to investigate why gay marriage was such a hot topic in New Hampshire, he discovered that an equal marriage law stands in line with New Hampshire’s “Live Free or Die” motto.  It is the ideology of the New Hampshire people to never take freedom away from anyone and to create laws that will spread freedom further.  After Gov. Lynch met with same sex couples he began to understand that unless there is equal marriage, equality cannot be made and the freedom that New Hampshire boasts is not being put into practice.

            Gov. Lynch gives me hope because he was able to change his mind about what equality really is and act upon it.  On June 3, 2009 he signed into law, a bill that same sex couples would be entitled the same rights as opposite sex partners in marriage.  Even though this law is now being put under fire by the Republican Party in New Hampshire, Gov. Lynch has already made a firm statement that he will veto any bill that would take away the freedom for same sex couples to marry.  Even greater than one man’s mind changing is the minds of the citizens.  Before gay marriage was made into a law in 2009, 55% of constituents believed that gays should marry and in 2011, just two years after the law was instated, 63% of NH citizens want to keep same sex marriage in New Hampshire.  Our times are truly changing and so are the opinions of people.  I can say that I am proud to live in a state that believes in equal freedom for its people.  This gives me hope that one day people will see that I am no different than any other human out there.  So thank you Gov. John Lynch, you have given me hope by making our state motto a reality.

“Live free or die, for death is not the worst of evils.”~ General John Stark

Being Gay in the Boy Scouts of America

            There was never a place that I felt at home more in life than in my Boy Scout Troop.  My two best friends have followed me in the program the whole way through, the scouts were like brothers to me and I will always hold the experiences that we had together close to my heart.  To me, scouting was a place where my full potential could be found, nurtured and embraced.  It was in scouts where I learned to publicly speak, teach and most importantly, lead.  Scouting has taught me life lessons that will only help to continue my success in life.  Scouting has also brought me experiences that nothing else would like, jumping off telephone poles, hiking 3 mountains in one day during flash floods, sleeping in a shelter made by myself in the woods, rappelling down a cliff and saving a life.  And I will always treasure my time in Boy Scouts as one of the best bonding experiences with my dad, who helped me the whole way through the program.

            There was not a single time in scouting that anyone had ever picked on me for being different or shunned me for my perceived sexuality.  In fact in my troop, many scouts looked up to me as a role model, respected me as a leader and worked with me to accomplish goals.  Because of this I do not believe that the people in scouting send a message of hate to gay people.  Instead it is the higher up National Officers that instate these arbitrary rules.  They say that a scout who is gay does not follow the point in the Scout Law of being “morally straight.”

            I believe that my morals are straight, I volunteer to teach people how to save lives and save them myself, I am a voting citizen that obeys the laws of my city, state and country, I don’t lie, cheat or steal and I will always fight for what I believe in.  Morality is not the same as sexuality and should not be measured as such.  As an Eagle Scout, the national authority of the BSA believed that I encompass the true ideals of an Eagle Scout, that I will always be true to God, Country, others and self and that I will be a leader of tomorrow.  All of these things were true and will remain so forever because I will always be an Eagle Scout because it is a mark of character even if I am also gay.

THE MEANING OF GAY

             I’ve never really understood why people refer to things as gay.  Their argument is that it derives from the word queer, meaning not of the norm.  I couldn’t agree with them more that being gay is not the norm.  For all of my life, I have been gay whether I’ve known it or not, so for me, when people refer to things as gay I can get a little irritated.  People never refer to things as gay in a positive reference, they are always negative.  However, gay people are some of the most positive and inspirational people to me.  To me, being gay means that a person is able to express their true feelings without the need to feel as though they need to be sensitive around people that believe that they are abominations to the human race.

            People that are gay show courage, strength, pride and above all love.  Gay people will never stop fighting for their ability to express love to who they have natural feelings for.  They are brave enough to stand up for what they believe in and have the courage to come out to the world to let them know that they are different.  Being gay makes people different but that doesn’t make it a negative thing.  So why do people call strange, silly or over-the-top things gay?  I propose that we being to use the word gay in a new connotation.  I would like to use the word gay to describe people that possess courage, strength, pride and love.

            So to every person out there who stands up for the minority rights, you are gay; for every person who has ever had strength to tell someone that you are different; you are gay; for every person who is proud of who they are, what they have done and what they’ve become, you are gay; and for every person out there who will unconditionally love other human beings, you are gay.  This is my new version of gay.  People should be proud to be called gay because to be gay is a positive attribute to anyone’s personality.