WHAT IT MEANS TO LOVE A CHILD

            For starters, no I don’t have any kids at the moment, but I do have some insight on this topic.  I was a camp counselor for 6 years and a camp nurse for 1 year.  I was also raised by two exceptional parents who would sacrifice anything for me and my sister to excel in life and find true happiness.  It is my personal belief that that is the true goal of parenting; to love your child, embrace them and nurture them.  A parent should never degrade their child, tell them that they are a failure or even talk about them behind their back.  It is a true act of cowardice and in my opinion, the worst things that a parent can do.

            Growing up in a middle class family, my parents worked their butts off to make enough money to support me and my sister.  They even put us through catholic school, devoted hours at the dinner table teaching us math and reading, quizzing us for upcoming tests and being involved in our extracurricular activities.  Their work ethic and care for me has inspired me to do great things in my life.  There is nothing more that I want to do than to make them proud of the person I have become and the person that I hope to be in the future.  For me, this was, is and should be the norm for parenting, but as of now, I can see how this isn’t always the case.  I have a few stories to back up this view.

            This summer as I was working as a camp nurse, the same 12 year old girl would always come to my office complaining of a belly ache, she would sit on the bench in my office and talk to me, which would sometimes cause a miraculous cure and sometimes not.  Normally when talking to her or getting her involved in a game wasn’t enough, I would call her father.  It took me a few times to discover that these “belly aches” were nothing more than I cry for attention.  The camp director came up to me one day and told me her story.  She said that the girl’s parents had gone through a nasty divorce and that both parents were workaholics trying to pay for the lawyers and court fees.  She told me that I was quite possibly the only smile that she sees every day.  All she wanted to do was be sure that her parents were really there for her, and she tested it by faking belly aches.  She knew that I was always there for her though, that I would always be there at her side if she needed me and that is why she always came to my office.  No child should ever have to be in doubt on whether or not their parents will always be there for them.  It should be a given.

            The next story is a closer one to home.  One of my friends has a mother who is a twitter addict and who is a pessimist on life.  She tweets horrible things using racist remarks, a lot of political nonsense and then worst part is that talks about her own son in a negative connotation.  She tweets about her son constantly, about his political opinions, asking people to pray that he will come to his senses, asking people where she went wrong with raising him and saying that he “doesn’t produce.”  She makes herself look like the victim in all of this by telling people that she is a Christian woman with strong morals and tried to give her kids everything by sending them to catholic school.  But what she fails to mention is what she did and didn’t do to her child.  She would always pawn him off on the weekends on other families and the Boy Scouts, she never encouraged him to do anything or become anything.  She never taught him how to set goals or where to even begin.  Children don’t just learn these things on their own as much as we may think they do or hope they do. Sometimes it takes a little talking and a shove to get the ball rolling.  You need to be the inspiration that your children are desperately searching for at a young age and by posting about your child on twitter you are only destructing their ego making them believe that they are worthless.  Well, let me tell you that no one is worthless and especially not this person.  He is kind, understanding, smart, inspiring, free spirited, a loving friend, artistic and the list goes on and on.  If his mother knew anything about him, she would see these qualities and embrace them, but instead she tears him down.  She also fails to mention on her twitter that she is addicted to alcohol and that son finds her passed out on the floor on occasion, that she abuses depression medications, refused to teach him how to drive, doesn’t give him Christmas presents and  she has stolen money from him that was given to him as a graduation gift.  This child has so much potential and is anything but a lost cause.  The only thing he needs is a little guidance from people that care for him.  He is not a bad kid, he doesn’t get into trouble and he has talent and if anyone has failed, it is not the child, but instead, the parent. 

            So my take home message from all of this is simple.  Inspire your children to dream and hope.  Teach your children how to set goals and achieve them by example.  Smile at them and compliment them especially when they are right in front of you.  This positive reinforcement will further encourage them to keep moving forward.  And remind your child that they are never worthless, that you will always be there for them, that you are proud of them and that you will stop at nothing to make their lives better.  Parents, it’s your job to make an amazing life for these children.  They only have one shot at life and to see the world.  So make it positive, inspiring and worthwhile.  Let the lives of your children make yours worth living.

LETTING GO

            One of the most courageous things that we as humans must do in our lives is the ability to let go. Forgetting the past, cutting the ties of rotten relationships and discovery new place are all part of moving on.  Even a child at the playground has the sense that sometimes letting go is the only option to move forward.

 I remember when I was younger and I would go to the park down the street.  I would always want to go down this big blue slide, but the only way to get to it was to cross the dreaded monkey bars.  I remember how I would put my right hand on the first bar and my left hand on the second.  For the longest time, this was the furthest point I had reached on the bars.  I would never let my right hand go.  I was too afraid.  I didn’t know if I was strong enough to hold on when I let go.  I was scared and nervous.  I looked down and thought I would survive if I fell.  I didn’t even know if I had the strength to get all the way to the slide.

 It wasn’t for a few more years that I was actually able to come to the realization that I could let go.  I knew I wanted to reach the slide and I knew I had the courage to move forward.  Eventually I reached the slide.  I was shaky at times and lost most of my momentum, but I kept pressing forward.  I slid down that slide and it was amazing.

            Sometimes we need to leave the comfort zones that we create.  We need to let go of the thoughts that hinder us from reaching our goals.  You can do it!  You just have to look forward and don’t get you mind wrapped about what can happen if things go wrong.  Your blue slide is there, so let go of that first monkey bar and don’t look back, just keep pressing on.

THE BOY IN MY DREAMS

Whenever I fall asleep I hope that we will meet and walk hand and hand.  Your presence has a calming effect on my body that makes me feel as though everything in the world is right.  You make me smile and laugh without even needing to speak.  Your actions are enough for me.  I feel like I have known you forever, even though we only meet at night in the secrecy of my own mind.  But in my mind, our relationship is the only thing that matters to me.

Your big brown eyes are the first thing that always catches my attention.  They seems as though they are so deep that I can see your soul inside them as I gaze.  Your olive skin is always complimented perfectly by your fluorescent colored shirts.  But most of all, I love your smile.  Seeing it makes me shine.  Knowing that you’re happy makes my soul soar.

We’ve walked the shore of the beaches together and we’ve had dinner at a small café in Spain.  We’ve sat and watched a movie together while I began to doze off with my head resting on your shoulder.  I feel so close to you at night, but the reality we couldn’t be more distant. 

However, my fantasy shatters as my eyes open in the morning.  The love is lost and our relationship is a myth.  However, you still exist, I see you even when my eyes aren’t closed. I guess the question that remains is: do you know that I exist?  I hope someday we meet in person, because I have a lot to say.  If my dreams are a premonition of the future, I know I’ll be happy with you.                

I BELIEVE

            I believe in a world that will one day live in harmony.  I believe in my family and friends and the relationships were share together.  I believe in working hard for future opportunity.  I believe in helping people so that in turn, one day they can help me.  I believe in good and evil, God and the devil and life after death.  I believe in love at first sight and that hopeless romantics might have it right.  I believe in miracles and it’s the only thing that helps me sleep at night.  I believe that the stars at night are more mysterious than scientists think; they’re always trying to prove it all.  I believe in myself, that any obstacle I have can be overcome.  I believe in my teachers and professors that their work is preparing me and inspiring me to carry on.  I believe in my mentors, that they will guide me to a bright future.  I believe that in every life experience that there is a lesson to be learned.  I believe in values and morals, bravery and honor, sacrifice and devotion.  But most importantly, I believe in you, that you can change the world and prove that all of my beliefs are not in vain.    

HOW TO BE COURAGEOUS

            Courage is not just firefighters, police officers and soldiers.  Courage does not mean coming face to face with physical danger every day for the rest of your life.  And most certainly courage is not limited to a selected number of people in society based off of race, gender or creed.  Courage can come in various doses.  Sometimes courage is so great that a person can walk into active combat to save a fellow soldier’s life, but it can also be as small as saying that you will try again when you fail a test.  None the less courage is still present and it is a mark of a person’s character.

            Everyone seems to think that courage roars like a lion, but no, it can be the small voice inside your head that says that you can try again tomorrow.  For all of you people out there that think that you need courage, chances are that you already have it because you are still here.  You never cease to move forward because you are intrepid.  Never run away from your fears though, because they are not meant to dictate your life.  If people ever ask you why you continue to confront your fears, look them straight in the eye and tell them it is because fears will not define you because you won’t let them.  A person once said “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather knowing that there is something greater than fear.”  That “something” is life.  So be courageous and don’t let fears direct your life.  Never stop confronting them because you are bold and brave.  Don’t be a kite anchored by the hands of another on a windy day.  Your purpose is to fly, so break loose and do just that.  Live your purpose and soar high through life.

           

FOUR WORDS I FOLLOW

            There have been four words that I have always tried to live by: Live, Laugh, Learn and Love.  I believe that these actions are almost like a recipe.  You need just the right amount to be in a perfect equilibrium.  However, too much of one or too little of another can lead to problems.  Living is not just the action of being alive, but experiencing life.  Yes, it may sound strange but let me give you a few examples of what living is to me.  Living is driving late at night to see the world with your friends, it’s volunteering to teach others how to save lives, it’s doing something crazy like putting your head in a Jell-O mold at a Blue Man Group show and it’s seeing the world from the top of a mountain.  Life is about taking risk and finding the world, not being a passive observer. 

            Laughing releases the daily stresses of the world.  It allows us to extract humor from life and express it.  Laughing means that all of our worries have melted away and that sorrow has fled from us.  Laughter is the true measure of happiness.  I don’t think that I would ever be able to go a single day without laughing no matter how bad of a mood I am in.  It is extremely necessary to extract joy from life because sometimes our most trying times are the ones that we look back upon with lightheartedness.

            Learning is not just going to classes or getting a college degree; it is about how you interpret your experiences in living.  There are so many different ways to learn and my favorite is through talking to people.  There is so much to be learned from people of different backgrounds whether it is race, gender, sexual preference, economic status, interests and so many more.  These people have gained so much knowledge from their own lives, and when you talk to one another, all of your thoughts and ideas merge together; and that is true knowledge.  The ability to understanding another human being is one of the most important skills that one could learn in life.

            Loving is all about sharing emotion; it is about telling someone how important they are to you, the difference they have made on your life and showing how much you care for them.  Never live your life in hate because it is so much easier to love everyone, it will not only make you happy, but others as well.  Never go to bed angry at a person you love because who knows what could happen to them tomorrow…Let them know that you love them today.  So here’s my recipe: Live as if you’ll never see tomorrow, Laugh as long as you can before your gut bursts, Learn what life is all about through others and Love as if you’ll never be with that person again, and 50 years from now you will regret nothing!

A WORLD THROUGH MY EYES

            If you could see the world through my eyes, you wouldn’t see color.  Not because I’m color blind, but I don’t see races, I see people.  I have no concept of money, not because I’m ignorant but because I believe that work is paid off in the enjoyment that you receive from it.  I don’t see brands you wear or the people you associate with.  All I see is you. 

            I see a world that isn’t perfect, but I hope that one day I can.  I can see the disaster, the pain and the chaos on this planet.  I know why people are hurt and suffer, yet I only look at that to find the solution.  I can see the good in people but I can also see the evil.  I know your intentions but I try to focus on the good ones.  I try to look beyond your past and envision you in the future.  I can see that you will be great someday.  My eyes always show me the direction to happiness.

            I don’t see that today is another day, but rather an opportunity.  I watch for every bump in the road and prepare for when I hit it.  I sometimes gaze at the moon and the stars at night and sit amazed in its beauty just as I did when I was younger.  I look for hope in every part of my life that this world could be as peaceful as the night sky.  But most importantly, I see you, the only other person whose eyes are just like mine and who see the world as I do. 

STEFANI JOANNE ANGELINA GERMANOTTA

            You probably have no idea, whose name this is unless you got the hint from the picture for this blog; however I want to recognize this person for her actions as a human and not her musical achievements.  If you haven’t guessed who I am talking about right now, you either live under a rock or somewhere in the Deep South, but I am talking about Lady Gaga, or Mother Monster as some prefer.  This blog is not about how much I love her music, because quite frankly I have more favorite artists, but rather her ability to stand up for the underdog. 

            I have never seen such a more confident and brave woman.  She fights for what she believes in, not to be popular, but to do what is right for people.  To be honest, when I first saw Lady Gaga, I thought she was an absolute nutcase wearing outfits made of meat, arriving at the Grammy’s in an egg and performing many more eye catching stunts.  It wasn’t until I saw her on TV speaking at a Don’t Ask Don’t Tell repeal rally in Maine that I actually understood who this “Mother Monster” was.  She spoke with her head up, eye to eye with the audience, she didn’t stutter and she let the government know where she stood on the issue.  I felt so proud of her, as weird as that sounds.  It takes so much bravery to get up in front of people and let all of your emotions flow, but she did it even when her opinions were not the most popular in the minds of many politicians. 

            Her efforts went even further when she made a speech at an March for Equality in Washington, DC.  She spoke this time of equality for all people with a rainbow flag waving freely from her hand.  She even screams in the microphone to make sure that President Obama is listening to her, because her voice should be heard, needs to be heard and will be heard.  Furthermore, she demands that her promises of change be made now because freedom should have no timeframe.  Clearly, Lady Gaga is more than some crazy pop singer, she is a fighter; a reason for hope. 

            She not only gives hope to me, but for all people like me.  She is one of our greatest allies and I thank her for that.  After seeing one of her biggest fans die from suicide caused by bullying based on sexual orientation, Gaga created a campaign called the Born This Way Foundation with a mission to empower youth and inspire bravery.  I can’t think of a better role model than Lady Gaga for inspiring bravery.  She doesn’t care about what people think about her and she doesn’t fear to stand up for the minorities.  This woman is doing amazing things for no other reason than to do what she believes is right.  She truly loves and cares for every single LGBT person, because she understands the struggles that we go through and the need for equality.  Gaga is more than a pop celebrity, she is also a remarkable person.

20 WAYS HOW IT GOT BETTER FOR ME 

1.      I know that everyone loves me for exactly who I am and nothing else.

2.      I have over 650 views on this blog!

3.      I don’t pause or stutter before I say the word gay.

4.      I never lose a night of sleep thinking if people will still love me when they find out I’m gay.

5.      I can talk freely, from personal experience about how we need more equality in politics.

6.      I have received emails from relatives telling me how proud of me they are and how as long as I am happy, that nothing else matters.

7.      I can read a book about Harvey Milk in our student lounge and not fear that people will “discover my secret.”

8.      I no longer care about who knows that I am gay, because everyone who I care the most about already does.

9.      After telling my friends that I am gay, only one thing changed; our relationships became stronger because of honesty.

10.  My mom has the same bravery that I do to tell people that I’m gay

11.  My dad told me that he doesn’t care who I like because he is still proud of me and I’m the best son a father could ever have.

12.  My sister wants to work for LGBTQ advocacy.

13.  People still view my other characteristics and not just the fact that I’m gay.

14.  If someone asks me if I’m gay, I never deny it because I am proud of who I am and where I am going.

15.  I never let my sexuality interfere with pursuing my dreams.

16.  I have seen my friends and family gain a greater tolerance for people that are different.

17.  I have seen that my family really does have unconditional love for me.

18.  I have hope that someday I will marry the man of my dreams and all my family and friends will be there to support me.

19.  I don’t have to stress about making my family proud because I know that I do.

20.  I’M HAPPY WITH WHO I AM!!! And I wouldn’t change it for the world.  I was made this way for a reason, so I should embrace it and live life, accomplish my goals, let my dreams come true and find love, because there is only one life to live and I don’t intend on wasting it.  I just hope that you do the same.

THE AFTERLIFE

            Most cultures and religions have a common belief that there is something beyond death; however the concept of what it exactly entails differs.  Some believe that their bodies will become part of the earth and that their souls will receive either a reward in heaven or a punishment in hell others believe in reincarnation and some believe that our bodies are recycled into nature.  This blog is not meant for you to form an opinion about the afterlife and its existence but rather, how the fate of afterlife is determined in my own view.

            In recent news, a principal of a Tennessee high school told students in an assembly that gay people will go to hell.  It seems absurd to me that a principal, the main advocate for its school’s students, would send such a hateful message to them.  Not to mention that this is a public institution funded by the state which should take no stance on religious issues such as the theory of afterlife.  I find it offensive that someone can assume that gay people will automatically be punished in the afterlife for expressing the way a higher power made them.

               I was raised a Roman Catholic and have received all of my sacraments of initiation.  I even went to Catholic elementary school and junior high, so I am not ignorant on the subject of religion.  Throughout my education, one thing became very clear to me about my faith; we treat everyone with love and respect no matter who they are.  This is a mark of character and what I believe will be the main determinant for the fate of your afterlife.  I don’t believe that there is any loving higher power out there that would create me to have a certain belief, and then punish me for acting upon it.  Instead said higher power would reflect on my experiences helping others, giving back to the community and trying to better the world for future generations.

            I would hope that my God would not make his judgment on me based upon the way he created me.  I took this gift of thinking differently and I am trying to make a positive impact on society.  Through this blog, I try to raise awareness about tolerance and self-acceptance.  I’m not sending a message of hate and disgust that others do to people like me.  I am trying to hopefully leave this world a better place than I was born into.  In my religion, Jesus never once said to hate a specific group of people.  Instead he sent a message of love and acceptance.  He spent his whole life helping the beggars, the prostitutes, the thieves and lepers.  He worked to help the underdog.  There was not a single person on this earth that Jesus predetermined to go to hell.  I believe the same as him.  He was the prophet of my religion who saved us and who gave us the new covenant to treat everyone equally with love.  The afterlife will be determined by your actions on earth to make a positive impact on yourself and others.  So love everyone you meet, treat every person with respect and never stop trying make a difference.  Your actions will be rewarded someday.

WELCOME HOME HEROES

            I don’t care what your political views are, but I hope that you pay tribute to every person that you know who serves in the armed forces.  I believe that putting your life in the midst of mortar fire and constant threats of attack is the ultimate sacrifice.  You make the freedom that is defined in the Constitution of the United States of America, a reality.  These brave men and women deserve our upmost appreciation. 

            Just this past weekend, I was at the airport waiting to board a flight back home from an EMT conference.  While sitting and watching the multitudes of people pass by my terminal, one man walked over and sat next to me.  He was a wearing a military uniform on is body and anxiety on his face.  It was clear to me that he was ready to go home.  He was a quiet man that sat patiently to board the plane while reading last month’s edition of Sky Mall and bobbing his head to the tunes on his iPod. 

            The Jet Blue employee announced that our plane was about to board and said that the first to board would be any military personnel on the flight today.  He stood up and the next thing that happened was miraculous; every single person in the surrounding terminals stood up and clapped, whistled and cheered.  People really do care about the individuals who serve and protect the people of this nation both domestic and abroad.

            So where am I going with this story? Well, the picture that goes with this blog post happens to be going viral on the internet.  It is of a marine who was greeted by the love of his life at his return to the United States.  I couldn’t help to think about how spectacular it is that after the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell soldiers can be greeted by their same sex partners and they have every freedom to display they affection upon return from overseas. 

            However, I was disgusted to read some of the comments that people have wrote about this on Facebook, which aren’t even worth repeating here.  I hope that when this country is in a time of war that its citizens do not question the integrity of our military by the sexual orientation of its personnel.  Anyone who has the courage to put themselves in harm’s way for the greater good of this nation deserves the respect of the citizens for their contribution.  Also, there is no need to judge same sex couples who have just been apart from each other for several months who hug and kiss.  They have every right to show the same amount of affection as a heterosexual couple.  These people have been thousands of miles apart from each other, counting down the days until the end of deployment and worrying about their loved ones every night.   They are people too.  I can't help to think that someday, this picture could replace the picture of the sailor kissing a nurse on V-J Day in Times Square.  Times are surely changing.